For couples who are separated or undergoing a divorce, tax season often results in bringing crucial conversations to the surface. Between figuring out who claims the kids as dependents, how to handle a joint refund, and what happens to shared accounts, there are a lot of decisions being made right now, and not all of them make it onto paper.
Some of those conversations end in informal agreements: "I'll cover the mortgage until we sell." "We'll split the refund and sort the rest later." These arrangements are usually well-intentioned. They are also often made without a clear understanding of what it means, legally, to have agreed to something.
In my experience as a divorce attorney in Baltimore County, Maryland, informal agreements are one of the most common ways people unintentionally complicate their own cases. Here is what you should understand to avoid unnecessary pitfalls.
When an agreement is made verbally, there is no shared record of what was actually said. Memories differ, especially under stress, and what you recall agreeing to and what your spouse recalls can sound very different by the time those conversations become relevant in court. That gap is hard to bridge, and it often ends up creating more conflict than the original agreement was meant to resolve.
Additionally, many people assume that without documentation, a verbal agreement has no legal standing. That is not necessarily true. If both parties have been acting on an agreement, that behavior creates a record of its own. The absence of a written record does not make an agreement disappear, it just makes it harder to establish and potentially jeopardizes your best interests.
Similar to verbal agreements, many people assume that because a text message is not a signed legal document, it does not carry legal weight. That assumption is worth reconsidering.
Texts and emails are written, timestamped, and attributed to you. If you sent a message agreeing to something, that message exists and can be submitted in court. Whether it constitutes an enforceable agreement depends on the specifics, and there are arguments that can be made about context and intent. But relying on the ability to argue your way out of a written message is not a wise or comfortable legal position to be in.
Before responding to a financial or custody-related message from your spouse, consider how that message would read in a formal setting. If it reads like a commitment, it may be treated like one. For more on how written and digital communication can affect your case, see my post on divorce and social media.
This is the issue that catches people most off guard.
During separation, it is common for couples to settle into informal routines. One parent has the children most of the week. One spouse covers a particular expense. These arrangements are often practical in the short term, and nobody intends them to be permanent.
The challenge is that courts, particularly in custody matters, consider current routines when evaluating which arrangement best serves the children's interests. A consistent pattern, even an informal one, can carry real weight in that analysis. Under Maryland's latest custody standards, judges are now required to explain their reasoning in more detail, which means the history of what parents have actually been doing carries more significance in the record than before. If an informal schedule has been in place for several months, it may be harder to change than either party expects or anticipates.
If you and your spouse have reached an agreement on something, whether it is a custody arrangement, a financial decision, or a temporary living situation, the right time to document it is as soon as possible. Agreements are easier to formalize when both parties are aligned than when circumstances have shifted or the relationship has become more contentious.
The same applies when something changes. If an existing arrangement has evolved, even informally, getting that change into writing protects both parties. In Maryland, a written and signed separation agreement that is incorporated into your divorce decree carries significantly more legal protection than one that exists only in conversation or in practice
If you have had financial or custody conversations with your spouse and you are not sure where things stand legally, it is worth speaking with an attorney before more time passes. A family law attorney in Maryland can help you understand what may have been established, whether anything needs to be addressed now, and how to move forward in a way that protects your interests.
If you are navigating a separation or divorce in Maryland and want to understand what your informal agreements mean legally, I am happy to talk through your options. Contact my office at (410) 657-2515 or email info@CohenLegalTeam.com to schedule a consultation. My goal is always to help you navigate this process with clarity, confidence, and less stress.
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